The other day, I stumbled across this meme and it hit hard.
Being on a healing journey is messy. It’s not just the glow-up moments, the meditation sessions, and the journaling under a new moon.
It’s ugly cries at 3 a.m., moments of feeling completely alone, and seeing people for who they really are, which is a hard truth to swallow. Healing exposes all the hidden wounds, and when you start processing that mess, it brings up emotions you never knew you had.
I’ve been feeling some type of way about myself and the people in my life lately. It’s like once you start unpacking all the trauma, you’re left with all these raw feelings. And let me tell you, sometimes it feels like you’ve stepped into a whirlwind of emotions that you didn’t sign up for.
But here’s the thing: strength isn’t about bottling everything up or pretending everything’s okay. It’s about facing the mess head-on and making the hard decisions that protect your peace, even when it feels uncomfortable. Even when you lose people in the process.
So, how do I preserve my peace when the healing journey gets rough? Here’s what I’m doing, and maybe these tips will help you too:
1. Put Your Phone on Do Not Disturb
From 8 p.m. to 8 a.m., my phone is on Do Not Disturb. Why? Because my energy is limited, and I need time to recharge. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and if you’re constantly available to everyone else, when do you have time for yourself? Create boundaries that protect your time and energy. Rest is a form of resistance in a world that demands you to be constantly available. Guard your peace.
2. Reduce Social Media Time
This one is deep. On the surface, it’s a no-brainer—spend less time on screens, especially with all the nonsense out there. But for me, it goes further than that. Social media is often where people flex and rarely show their struggles. And even though I know better, I can’t help but compare myself to others on social media. And when I see people in my circle promoting others but not supporting my work, I start questioning my own worth and impact. The imposter syndrome kicks in. And then my feelings get hurt. But I know my events and work are powerful. I was the first in New England to create a mental health conference exclusively for Black women (clock that tea). Anyway, when you notice social media is causing you more harm than good, it’s ok to take a step back.
3. Stop Prioritizing Others Over Yourself
Let me tell you something: saying no is revolutionary. I have no problem saying “no” if the “yes” is going to disturb my peace or make me feel some type of way. For example, if I want to attend a 7 p.m. show and someone asks me for a favor at 6 p.m., I’m not going to do it. Why? Because if I hit traffic and miss my show, I’ll be mad at them, but in reality, it’s my fault for not prioritizing myself. Learn to say no without guilt. Your time is precious. Don’t sacrifice your joy for someone else’s convenience.
4. Block and Remove People Who Don’t Serve You
This might sound harsh, but it’s the truth. If someone isn’t adding value to your life, what good are they? If they don’t reciprocate the energy and effort you put in, why keep them around? Relationships—whether friendships, family, or intimate ones—require work, intentionality, and effort. If someone can’t meet you halfway, it’s time to let them go. This isn’t about holding grudges or hating anyone; it’s about protecting your mental health and only investing in relationships that are reciprocal. Sis, you don’t have time, capacity, or energy for anything less.
Healing isn’t linear, and it’s definitely not easy. But as we navigate through it, we must remember that our peace is non-negotiable. Protect it fiercely, even if it means making some tough choices. Because at the end of the day, you’re worth it. And being transparent about the messiness of this journey is part of how we reclaim our strength.
Stay strong, stay soft, and stay true to yourself.
Take care + Be well,
Regina Renaye
A Recovering Strong Black Woman
